Confidence

“I can’t think of any better representation of beauty than someone who is unafraid to be herself.” Emma Stone

Many women are not taught how to be confident but to see confidence as a negative and prideful attribute; worrying that they will be seen as too much, arrogant or bragging. At some point, the choice gets made to stay small, hiding the beautiful and authentic parts of themselves, afraid of what others may say or think.

There are three big confidence killers:

•  Comparing yourself to others
•  The uncontrolled inner critic
•  Listening to the judgements of others

In a digital world the propensity to scroll through other’s lives and compare ourselves is a daily battle. People’s feeds are meant to portray their brand and many influencers spend hours staging their lives for profit online.

For girls and women, the messaging often becomes physical beauty is confidence. Your worth is valued by your physical appearance.

This creates action to correct, retouch, and hide any flaws to be perceived as beautiful and confident. Remember, confidence isn’t about physical beauty or society’s idea of beautiful but is about an energy, internal strength, a knowing of your power and your self-worth. If you find yourself slipping into the comparison trap, take a break from it and don’t believe that confidence is airbrushed.

While social media has become a tool for comparison, it’s not the only way women compare themselves to others. Motherhood tends to be an especially tough time for comparing yourself to others. As new mother’s you feel lonely, tired and underprepared; so, it’s easy to look at all the other mom’s and think they have it together.

Check your narrative, talk to another mom and find out how they really feel, most of them aren’t feeling any more confident than you are.

There is also the comparison of friends, work, and marriage. Society has put a high value on competition. We tend to look at others and derive our worth from how we can be better than someone else. Really, we should be collaborating, sharing our true selves and stories, to support the growth and evolution of each other.

To be confident you must be aware of your own self critic. That voice that is always shaming you, telling you that you aren’t good enough or pretty enough. The doubting part of you that reiterates how insignificant you really are or that tells you stop trying because you will never succeed. That voice should not be in the driver seat, to get rid of it you must first be able to recognize it.

Confidence also takes avoiding others judgement masked as support or constructive criticism. Those in your life that are supportive will be full of radical candor and genuine interest in you, get good at knowing the difference.

The world may judge you, and I assure you they will, it is NOT necessary for you to pay attention to their judgements that is YOUR choice. Choose wisely it creates your path.

Check in, are you confident? Are you doing any of those three things mentioned above? Or is there something else holding you back from the life you want to lead? If there is check in and explore why.

The good news is that if you find that you are lacking confidence that’s okay it is absolutely a skill you can learn, like anything else it takes practice. K. Anders Ericsson writes, “If you practice something for a few hundred hours, you will almost certainly see great improvement.”

There are a variety of ways to build your confidence: coaching, mentorship, self-help videos, stretch assignments, and affirmations. Find what supports you and make it a habit. You may notice forming a new habit can be challenging but it WILL create the change you desire…stick with it!

Ultimately, You win at life because you are confident and perceive that you are winning. Don’t let others define you as ordinary when you are capable of being extraordinary. Don’t play small, you only get one life make it a GREAT.

Imposter Syndrome, Is It Real?

YES!! YES!!

"It is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubt his or  her accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of  being  exposed as a "fraud" -Wikipedia

Most of us have experienced it in our lives.
The feeling that you don't deserve the big win,
the new promotion,
a seat at the table.

The moment you look around the room,
comparing everyone’s accomplishments to your own,
and suddenly you don't stack up.

The DANGER is that the "imposter" feeling can keep us from trying.  
It can limit us from pursuing that leadership promotion,
applying for the new career,
or sharing our ideas with the world. 
So, how do you overcome it? Here are 4 ways to start:

~ Self-love visualize your success.
Make time to invest in yourself often, and until you feel confident.

~ Stop comparing yourself it's dangerous and debilitating.
It adds no real value to your life.

~ Surround yourself with support you don't need to know everything.
It's okay to ask for support/help.
Tap your mentors, call on your entourage this what they are for.

~ List out your accomplishments and know your worth.
You are unique and bring your own gifts to whatever it is you are doing.
Author: Charlie Palumbo

It amazes me… Since the beginning of the ol’ days, there wasn’t a ‘’chip-meteorite’’

or a box of ‘’Electricity’’ from outer space to earth, to start the modernized

innovation.

I’ve always been childishly curious, not the kinda curiosity based on doubt –

rather on creation to get bigger, to become better.

‘’Where does it come from’’ – Is the question where every creative experience

starts for me. At 8 years old, my dad gave me a dinosaur-book. Instead of looking

at names and sizes, I was looking for brothers and sisters – the dinosaur family

tree.

One thing that always has been clear to me – everything is an accumulation

If we couldn’t speak, there was no phone.

If we were alone, there was no love to give.

If we could fly, we weren’t running all the time.

You see, everything happens for a reason. And when the reason is happening

humans look outside the happening to clarify the reason.

With all cruelty in the world, humans sit down and get detached from others,

because there, in cruelty, there is NO reason. Reason can be the answer or

question – sometimes it’s neither.

When happiness becomes a realization in the moment, there is almost this diving

experience of purity – True beauty. The kinda beauty we see in a one-minute old

baby – but then in an experience, created by feeling and emotions expressed with

love and gratitude.

How many of those moments have you taken for granted? Or you might have

realized the realization when it became a past experience.

Language is something unique, especially the first language you speak. To me it’s

the art of repetition – the mother of skill. The mind is empty and we repeat what

our caretakers are saying, isn’t it? Although the construction and sound of the

vibration are the same within a language – meaning is not.

Carefully and tactfully I envisioned the belief that, although understably, each

individual creates its own language.

Can we agree that, when a thought occurs, our brain/mind set our senses and

body in motion: action .

And that, that action is perceptual?

Going back to my curiosity. When you were young there was this journey in tunnel

vision. Each experience, good or bad – makes that vision wider and wider.

You learn about standards, ethics, rituals, principles, beliefs – of your

environment. At a sudden moment you feel something, this feeling that the whole

environment with all elements, just mentioned – are outside of you.

And you take the within, what you feel is reality and actually been there from the

very beginning of your being, as your identity.

Identity is not something that ever can be expressed, named, labeled or

described – it’s something that is being felt.

Sometimes only a very small piece of that intrinsic experience, the identity, is in

the environment where is brought up in. Most of the time the identity is not there,

in that environment. Doubt, hesitation and fear of loss makes you stay in that

incongruent environment and some will never explore their journey to find that

true identity.

What I realized in my journey, the true identity is fading away by staying there – in

that incongruent environment

OR – about to be revealed when the environment is changed – when you make the

bold decision to change it..

As my mentor says: change is either one of two things – something new comes

into your life or something new comes out of you.

It’s like a countless amount of keys in your hand and only by exploring new

experiences you can find YOUR right key. Never let someone else choose our key,

because it’ll unlock a door where you don’t need to go – and even more

importantly: where you don’t want to go.

From a spaceship women are not a minority group. There might even be a

chance that there are more women than men. Though, true measurement

happens in identity, experience and feelings – belief. And since those components

are perceptual you can own your success-story, or failure – by the point of view,

how you look to it.

[It takes true courage to see the success over failures, whether it’s your

past-,present- or future story.]

Unfortunately, when we zoom in, the once optimistically taken view, from the

spaceship, it becomes a fairytale with momentarily a bad chapter being told.

Just to clarify, my curiosity didn’t happened by looking at facts – it has always

been about opportunity and execution.

The first one: Opportunity.

Like I said, the fairytale called life, is at a bad chapter and of course there are

many minority groups in many communities. It’s about seeing the deeper

meaning of the minority groups within women. Women are the seeds of growth,

the minerals of water and the pearls in shells. All of them can endure heavy

circumstances, but are lost and forgotten if they’re not discovered and

acknowledged for that purity.

Once we can all, as a universal belief recognize the purity of that beauty – stage

one will be completed, for once and for all.

Objective two: Execution! There is no single man, woman, child, leader, country or

continent that writes the whole fairytale.

Each individual around and within MOTHER earth has a letter to contribute –

what’s life without the letter L. Well, you got the point.

Only when WE, collectively from our true identity in the light of our Creator,

whatever that means to you – contribute.

We can and we will close this chapter and stare endless until eternity to the

chapter that we all desire so deeply: ‘’ And they lived a happily ever after’’.

I promise, that will never be taken for granted. It will require hard work and

determination from our children to come.

Wouldn’t you be proud, to be part of writing this chapter?

The light of YOU is needed and requested to realize this, I guarantee and

promise you this; you will look back to a life well-lived.

Facing an interview like a boss Ah… Interviews. It doesn’t matter if you are a first timer or a more experienced candidate; interviews are a universal nerve-wrecker. But hey, you are not alone. Although interviews are scary, these are some helpful tips for anyone and everyone to shed the nervousness and face them like a boss.

1. Prepare in advance

• Research the company –  Find out what the mission of the company is, how long it’s been around, how many employees it has, and what your position would be if you got the job. If the company has a motto, memorize it. Make sure you know as much about it as you can so you can impress your interviewers and show them how much you care.

• Do some background research about the interviewer – If I am to use a short synonym for this; stalk. But not to an extent where you’ll be horrified or find out facts you wish you hadn’t. Check their LinkedIn or other professional profiles; it’s the safest and most professional form of getting an idea about the interview panel you will be facing.

• Prepare to answer common questions – Some of these would be questions such as; “What are your biggest strengths?” “What are your biggest weaknesses?”   “Why do you want to work at this company?”  Don’t be too proud and go to town when expressing your strengths nor be too shy when stating your weaknesses, show the interviewer that you possess the relevant strengths for the job you are applying for and that you are focused on improving on your weaknesses.

• Prepare to ask questions from the interviewer – Have at least three questions at your disposal to ask the interviewer, do not be shy or intimidated to ask any questions, you need to show the him/her that you are curious and confident. Some examples would be; Details about an aspect of the job you’d like to know more about, whether the job requires working on holidays or weekends, whether you are required to work after office hours and so on.

• Prepare to explain why you’d be a good fit for the company – Another thing you need to get ready to say is why you’d be a great fit for the company. Check out what the employees at the company are like and what the company values the most when it comes to the position you’re seeking; use buzzwords to show why you possess those qualities and why you’d be a perfect fit for the job you’re interviewing for.

• Prepare to bring everything you need – It’s important to get everything you need together the day before you go to the interview so you don’t have to do any last-minute preparation to get ready for the big day. You’ll most likely need to bring your CV and cover letter to use as a reference, as well as any other additional materials that you think will help give your interviewers a better sense of who you are and the work that you do.

2. Facing it like a boss

• Dress professionally – Your exterior is judged before you introduce yourself, so dress well to make a good first impression. Remember that different types of companies have different dress codes, so dress accordingly. Pay attention to hygiene and the cleanliness of your clothes, put an effort into looking presentable and it will show.

• Be punctual – Check the traffic on your route and arrive at least ten minutes early, this will give you time to relax and be calm before going in, it will also show the interviewer that you are punctual and really care about the job.

• Introduce yourself with confidence – Imagine Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger playing in the background as you enter, stand tall, make eye contact, put a smile on your face, and give your interviewers a firm, confident handshake when you introduce yourself. Walk with confidence and avoid fidgeting or looking around the room; remember that you only have one chance to make a first impression, and you want it to count. Make good use of body language, use your hands when expressing your ideas. Don’t sit down unless you are offered to.

• Be articulate when you answer the questions – Speak as clearly and confidently as you can and make eye contact when you share your thoughts and ideas. Focus on getting your points across, avoid saying “like” or “um” and pause instead. The most important thing is that you deliver your words with confidence and sound like you really mean what you say.

• Avoid sharing overly personal information – Though you may feel like your interviewers really like you and that they’re getting buddy buddy with you, you should avoid mentioning anything overly personal about yourself. Don’t talk about your significant other, your kids, or your personal problems at home; this shows that you’re not focused on the job and that you’re unprofessional, and the interviewer does not care.

• Make sure to thank your interviewers in person – When the interview is over, show that you’re grateful for the fact that your interviewers took the time to meet with you and to get a chance to talk to you about your skills and qualifications. As you leave the room, shake your interviewer’s hand again and make sure to look her/him in the eye and give a sincere smile and a real thank you; this shows that you’re considerate and that you’re really grateful for the opportunity.

• Don’t badmouth the previous/ current employer – Your previous or current employer may be a villain straight out of a mafia movie, but hold your horses tight and avoid badmouthing them. Instead, you should say something like, “I’ve gained a lot of great experiences at my current position, but I’m ready for a new challenge.” If you say horrible things about your job or your boss, then your potential future employers will think that you may turn around and say the same about them in the future.

Keep these small points in your head so that you don’t barge in to an interview sweating profusely and wreck your nerves. Just keep your cool and breathe. It’s just an interview, not a trip to the Principal’s office.

We’ve all been in situations in our lives where we see something wrong  happening, but we are too afraid or shy to stand up for it and make it right, it could be because we are afraid of how humiliation will bring a downfall on our reputation or how others will judge us from there onwards. It’s true, we can’t right all the wrong in this world, but we can right the wrongs that happen around us.

In a Stone Age society where Women are judged for making the simplest dent in society’s stereotype, it’s quite challenging for us to be Bold and strike forward. But what if I simply told you, who cares? Who cares how society is going judge you? Who cares what they will make of your reputation? Who cares if they spread rumours about you?

If you hate to see wrong being given the VIP pass to go on happening every day, whether its Sexism, Racism or even discrimination on absurd grounds, then why not step up, gather your attitude and stand up for what’s right? If advocates like Martin Luther King Jr and Abraham Lincoln didn’t stand up for what’s right, Racism, Discrimination and Slavery would still be acceptable even today. Think about it. Did Malala Yousafzai accept her fate as a Pakistani woman and do nothing? Look how bold and brave she was to go against society’s stereotype and fight for the rights of female education, she was not afraid to show people, to show society that status quo was wrong and it HAD to be made right.

If you see, or even hear someone give a sexist remark or even stereotype women, say it’s a colleague, your grandma or even a small child, walk up to them, make it clear that what they said was wrong and make it right at that same time. If you experience sexism in the workplace, be bold and brave enough to walk up to your boss and tell him/her about it, if someone throws a sexist comment at you, don’t keep your mouth shut because women are supposed to be dainty, speak up, yell, slam your hands on the desk, heck, go ahead and punch that person (metaphorically) or even just sit there and throw a nasty yet classy sarcastic comment so that person will be roasted till the end of their life, your choices are endless. You never know, you’ll look behind you and see all the other women in the workplace stand up for you, support you and worship you because YOU spoke up for something which all of them were too afraid to point out, YOU showed them that the wrong CAN be made right, YOU are now a role model.

If you’re like me, someone who can’t watch the wrong thing going around and around and around in circles so much that it becomes a constant nudge on you every time you see it happen, Girl, get out there and fix it. I don’t care if there’s a hundred or even a thousand people staring at me while I stand up for my and my fellow women’s rights, I know that I’m doing the right thing and that’s all I need to reassure myself. People will later see you and be like, “That’s her, she’s the one who did blah blah blah and yelled at blah blah blah, my god look how embarrassing that is”, Honey, that aint my damn problem, keep your comments to yourself, it’s nice to know you think of me so much!

If your Heart tells you that you are doing the right thing, you don’t need to have second thoughts. Go ahead and make a change in society, you never know who you will inspire and make an impact on, who knows? Primary school girls might even talk about you for their morning speech, moms will tell their children about you. If you see something wrong in the world that has not been addressed at all by anyone so far, go and point it out, raise awareness, bring people out of their caves who are too suppressed by invisible norms to express themselves. Slavery and Racism were normal things until someone had to point out they were not. If nobody is willing to do it, then why not YOU? If Esmeralda stood up for Quasimodo and her people while the whole of Paris was watching, then why can’t you?

Ditch the doubt, embrace the attitude and strike with your Heart.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” – Mahatma Gandhi

There’s a reason we call our Comfort Zone, a ‘comfort’ zone. It’s nice in there, you’re filled with reassurance, no risks and everything you need is perfectly in place. It’s nice to run back into your comfort zone when things get challenging or even complicated because once you’re in there, nothing can worry you. But stop for a minute and think, out of those challenging times you avoided that required you to jump out of your comfort zone, how many golden opportunities have you missed? Of course, you never know because you never grasped it. Stepping out of your comfort zone, as cliché as it sounds, is one of the best things you would do for yourself, well of course it’s not going to be lovely at first, but it’s a choice you’ll never regret.

We all, as humans, are afraid of the unknown. “What if……?” that crevice of uncertainty keeps pushing us back into the safe haven we live in. But would you rather stay inside that safe bubble and keep going on with your monotonous life or see a challenging opportunity, grasp it and have the best adventure of your life? As much as we are afraid of the unknown, we crave adventure. Curiosity is what kept us learning new things ever since we were children. Remember the first time you stepped into pre-school away from the comfort of your home? That was you stepping out of your comfort zone, away from your family, pets and home into a new place with new people where you mingled with those your age and learned new things, if you as a toddler decided to stay at home in your comfort zone, you wouldn’t be able to read this. Of course you cried and threw tantrums about going to school, but look at your life now, isn’t school the place where the best memories of your life were made?

Let’s use an example from something we all loved as children (and now as well). If Simba decided to live his life all Hakuna Matata with Timon and Pumbaa, Scar would destroy the Pride Lands his father protected and ruled all his life and his family would have to suffer for all time. But what did Simba do? He decided to take a chance and go back to his land and win it back as the rightful King, what happened at the end? Scar was defeated and the Pride Lands were brought back to life, he reunited with his family and even learned the truth about his father’s death. You could see the uncertainty and hesitation in his eyes when he had to climb Pride Rock, but everyone around him assured and supported him, telling him that he was doing the right thing. Simba was an example to all of us, that although sometimes we may be hesitant to do something we haven’t done, the best rewards lie when you take that opportunity.

Likewise, Jasmine secretly escaped the comforts of her palace to explore the outside world, she learned about the ways of life of those living outside her palace walls. Eventually she met Aladdin who took her around the world, showing her places she’s never been, something she’d always wanted. She was brave enough to leave her comfortable life for a while to feed her curiosity.

Whenever I am faced with a challenging situation, I always tell myself, ‘Just do it. Go for it. Go ahead and step out of your comfort zone, be brave. Don’t be afraid to take risks.’ After all, what’s the essence of life if there is no adventure in it? I’ve had MANY situations in my life where I have refused to do things outside my comfort zone and obviously ended up regretting it for years to come. I saw other people grasp the opportunity that I was too scared and hesitant to seize and thus be rewarded very favourably.

Don’t be afraid to doing something totally alien to you because you’ll see someone else who was brave enough to step out of their comfort zone embrace that chance and live YOUR dream. Life is all about learning, and every new day you get you have two choices: sit back and do nothing or do something exciting and new. Be brave enough to step out of the safety barrier you created yourself and live the life you dreamed of, you’ll never know what you’re missing out if you don’t.

Nothing is served to you on a silver platter and dreams don’t come true in one day. Be willing to take the risks, because you never know what lies on the other side of the bridge. Of course there will be bumps and dents ahead of you, but mistakes teach you the greatest lessons and mistakes are proof that you are trying. You are given one shot at this life, so make it worth and get outta that comfort zone and make YOUR life more exciting, you will eventually be rewarded more than you expected. Life doesn’t throw rocks at you that you can’t catch. So go ahead, feed your curiosity, have some adventure, take a few risks and live your BEST life.